After only a few months of operation, Winooski’s Mister Sister — the only official LGBTQ bar in Vermont — might not be long for this world. Last Thursday, the bar’s owner, Craig McGaughan, launched a GoFundMe campaign to raise some money. His goal: $100,000. Yup. You read that right. This is not pay-back-a-loan-or-two money, nor is it upgrade-one-or-two-things money. This is my-business-is-about-to-tank money. McGaughan writes on the GoFundMe page, “There’s no longer any working capital or any sort of reserve to pull from.”
So what the hell happened? After all, it had been more than 10 years since Vermont even had a gay bar when Mister Sister opened. You’d think that business would be booming. However, a series of unfortunate choices seems to have led to this juncture.
In February, McGaughan announced that his wine bar, Oak45, was to close its doors and reopen as an LGBTQ bar called Mister Sister. Almost immediately, an outspoken contingent of trans people and their allies declared the name an offensive, transphobic slur and demanded that the bar’s name be changed. Much of the discussion took place in comment threads on Mister Sister’s Facebook page and has since been deleted.
Additionally, it seemed that many people had never even heard the term “mister sister” and were confused about how and why it was a transphobic slur. I admit that, despite being gay myself, I was one of those people. I launched into research mode to understand the term’s history. I found that it’s currently used in a number of ways. For example, there’s an annual leather event in Los Angeles and a weekly drag show in San Francisco with that name. A DJ in Seattle uses it as a moniker. An adult entertainment store in Providence, R.I., is called Mister Sister Erotica. In other words, the term seems to be used with some frequency in conjunction with queer entertainment. But does that make it OK?
What seemed most relevant was an incident from late 2014 involving Kate Pierson of the B-52’s. She announced a new single from her debut solo record, Guitars and Microphones, called “Mister Sister.” She told Huffington Post via email that the song “is inspired by all who are transgender and LGB, multidimensional and still transcending.” She went on to write that she hoped it would become a trans anthem.
The comments sparked a firestorm, because Pierson is not transgender. HuffPo contributor and trans woman Jamie Cooper Holland wrote an open letter to the singer, pointing out that it was not Pierson’s place to pen a trans anthem and that the term “mister sister” is “a reminder of the constant water-torture drip that trans people endure day in and day out when we’re addressed as the wrong gender. Getting it half right by using a title with both genders is not inclusive, it’s marginalizing.”
And there you have it. While McGaughan is openly gay and a member of the LGBTQ community, he is not transgender. If we follow the logic presented in Holland’s open letter, the only way for a bar to even have a chance of successfully reappropriating the term in question — as has been done with words such as “queer” — is for it to be owned and operated by trans people.
Meanwhile, the Pride Center of Vermont stepped in to mitigate the issue, though not without internal turmoil. The organization requested a meeting with McGaughan, but he refused. Days later, the center held a town hall meeting regarding the name and trans issues, after which it issued a statement rebuking the name and declaring that it would not support the bar in any way.
Then things sort of died down. The bar opened, and that was that.
In May, the issue resurfaced. Mister Sister was set to participate in Waking Windows, the three-day indie-music festival in downtown Winooski. According to both McGaughan and Paddy Reagan, a festival cofounder, several bands set to perform at Mister Sister refused to play at the venue in solidarity with the trans community. When McGaughan discovered that bands wanted out, he cut ties with the festival entirely, forcing its organizers to scramble to relocate dozens of bands and create a new performance space on short notice.
In a message to Seven Days, McGaughan wrote, “As always, Mister Sister is for the misters and the sisters, those who identify as both, neither and everyone in-between. We love, accept and support everyone in the LGBTQIA community.”
Back to the GoFundMe campaign. Shortly after it appeared, the comments began to roll in. (They were later deleted, and the page was reconfigured to not allow commenting.)
“Do you regret alienating part of your target demographic by choosing a slur against trans women as the name of your establishment?” read one comment.
“What if … now stay with me. You change the name?” read another.
The third, and most inflammatory by far, read, “You’re reaping what you’ve sown. I hope you’ll eventually come to understand that you’ve chosen — with full knowledge and many opportunities to learn — to walk a path of divisiveness and harm. You deserve to lose your shirt, Craig.”
By Monday afternoon, the fund had reached just more than 1 percent of its goal. At that rate, it’ll take close to a year and a half to raise $100,000 — assuming donations remain consistent.
In his outline for how the money would be spent, which includes the repayment of loans to friends and family as well as paying off outstanding bills, McGaughan plans to build a DJ booth and purchase a pool table, TVs and a full sound system. In other words, a mix of necessities and luxuries.
The language used in McGaughan’s plea is fairly desperate. Here are few choice excerpts:
“And if you can’t contribute via this platform, please … just continuously showing up at Mister Sister is a huge help!” All you have to do is “continuously” patronize the bar. No breaks!
Here’s a particularly tone-deaf statement: “We’re sadly lacking the support of part of the community we’ve promised to be here for.” To which part of the community is he referring? The one he alienated by repeatedly digging in his heels?
Another chestnut: “If folks don’t show up, we can’t pay the bills … When people don’t show up, we struggle.” Um, no shit. That is how all businesses work.
But here’s the kicker: “I’ve never been one to ask for help, but I feel if this business fails, and I don’t do absolutely everything in my power to preserve it, I’m failing my community.”
To borrow a joke from Seth Meyers: Really? Was it not in McGaughan’s power to change the name? Was it not in his power to meet with the Pride Center when asked? Was it not in his power to graciously remain a part of Waking Windows? Was it not in his power to take a minute to think about the possible repercussions of his actions throughout the greater LGBTQ community of Vermont?
My summation: Mister Sister is a privately owned business. Therefore, McGaughan can keep the name and do whatever he wants. But to disingenuously purport himself as a helpless victim by presenting a sob story about his failing business is just plain tacky. Wouldn’t it just have been easier to say, “OK. I hear you. These words are hurtful, and it’s more important for you to be heard than it is for me to prove I’m right.”
Listening In
If I were a superhero, my superpower would be the ability to get songs stuck in other people’s heads. Here are five songs that have been stuck in my head this week. May they also get stuck in yours. Follow sevendaysvt on Spotify for weekly playlists with tunes by artists featured in the music section.
Prince, “Little Red Corvette”
Carly Rae Jepsen, “LA Hallucinations”
Miguel, “Coffee”
Khruangbin, “White Gloves”
Connie Stevens, “Sixteen Reasons (Why I Love You)”
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This article appears in Jun 14-20, 2017.
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Hi, Maura. This is Dan Bolles, Asst. Arts Editor at 7D.
Soundbites is a music column. A column, by definition, is a forum in which writers express opinions. In fact, the tagline on Soundbites reads “News and views on the local music scene,” which indicates that Soundbites represents Jordan’s take on issues relevant to the local scene.
Maura,
Thanks for your comment! It brought the name of this section to our attention – while we make clear in the paper that Soundbites is a column for music news, we realize now that it’s much less clear online. We’re changing the name to make that more clear. Thanks for noting that!
Best,
Andrea
The only thing it says is “Music news”. This is a biased, opinion piece, not news, and is factually incorrect. This is a bad look for you guys.
What’s factually incorrect, Sarah!? Craig has had so many opportunities to engage and has repeatedly belittled, hidden, lied, and ignored. His business is paying for that. I hope he feels good about being ‘right.’
This is simply an ill informed, poorly thought out opinion that isn’t even about music. Total trash.
Talking about witch hunts! From the first time Seven Days posted anything about the name Mister Sister I knew they had chosen a side. Every article, every little tidbit, has been to slander the bar and guide the reader to the direction Seven Days wants. I posted a comment on the first article about Mister Sister asking Seven Days to recognize how they play a part in further widening the gap that was occurring within the VT LGBT community and it went ignored. So here we have it again, stirring the pot as best it can. Hopefully people recognize how slanted the paper can be and someone starts a actual non biased periodical which puts you out of business.
That’s the way the cookie crumbles in business. I was actually hoping this owner was a secret amoral genius and would change the name at the last minute, reaping all the gratitude and catharsis of the generated controversy. I’m actually pretty disappointed that he was actually just kinda stupid and stubborn. *shrug*
Burlingtons LGBTQ scene has proven that it does not want a gay bar. You have the option to accept such a (gift), or not. From the beginning, and as lots of the LGBTQ scene is so very overly sensitive, Burlington announced it’s stance, that it was not ready to accept this gift. Seriously guys. Chill out. Stop scrutinizing everything. We could have had a nice place.
Seriously!!! How dare you put this in the music section??
The man doesn’t even have a proper DJ booth!
Back in the good ol days of Burlington …when we were a true community…it was the unwritten rule that we would not post negative or hateful comments, reviews or speech about a play, band, restaurant, bar or business…as we are such a small neighborhood and we wanted our brothers, sisters and friends to prosper. I remember seeing a community theater play at the Flynn in the late 80s that was god awful…but not one person ever said anything publicly or in print because it was our friends and family on that stage. That world of love and community is no longer. You all should be ashamed of yourselves. “
If the goal is to hold open a welcoming convivial space for a specific community of people, that space should probably be democratically owned and governed by the people it seeks to serve, rather than vesting excessive arbitrary power in one or a few individuals. Then, values conflicts might be mediated by more just and fair mechanisms than duking it out through the market mechanism. How would this situation have played out differently had the naming process been participatory?
Awesome how he’s blaming the same community he chose to ostricize back in March and then asking us for money in the same breath.
Yeah no
Your business failed because you made poor decisions. Too bad so sad. Maybe next time you’ll be wiser for the wear.
Funny but all those voices you choose to ignore are probably seeming a tad more important now aren’t they? Next time your community asks you to hear them out, maybe don’t turn your back?
Smell ya.
Perhaps it’s not too late to change the name of the bar! 😉
I think the failure of “Mister Sister” is a testimony to the alignment of the Burlington LGBT community. Many of us were quite surprised at the stubbornness of the bar owner. A simple name change would have resulted in a successful business. We voted with our feet.
Christine – how arrogant to think you hold the fate of Mister Sister in your hands or know the secret to opening a successful gay bar in Burlington. Further, the effort to bring financial stability to the business does not mean that it failed. Let’s see you transition from GMP to owning and operating a gay bar in Burlington and see how it goes. I’ll be sure to support you whatever you choose to name it.
TBH; Why is @Seven Days even allowing the bar on the Seven Daysies nomination list? “Most Gay Friendly Bar?” Yeah, if you’re a cis gay man maybe. The owner has shown in word and deed that he cares not one whit for the voices of the T in the LGBTQIA+ community. Give his behavior the past few months, the bar is more a space, with a name, that exists to massage his ego and overwhelming desire to wax nostalgic. Personally I think the bar should be removed from the running.
Clearly the owner did a miscalculation based on numbers when he chose to retain the name. He assumed he would only piss off the trans community and thought he could lose their business and still get his way. Unfortunately for him, many of us cis people also dislike hate speak, even if it isn’t directed at us and won’t patronize a bar under such a name. Weird.
Maura,
We appreciate your impassioned response to Jordan’s column about Mister Sister. After checking in with Jordan and reviewing his reporting — and talking with Molly Walsh, who covered the Trans Town Hall — we stand by his account. You’re welcome to voice your concerns in a letter to the editor. We’d be happy to give you the opportunity to respond in print.
https://posting.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/LetterstotheEditor/Page
No Maura. It’s nothing like North Korea. That’s a completely false analogy.
We never tried to force Craig to do anything. It was always his choice. It’s a free country.
What we did do was highlight a problem and voice our concern. Many of us even offered alternatives. We tried to open a dialogue and we invited him to the table. We warned him we wouldn’t patronize the bar if he kept the name. We told him we would speak with our dollars. HE chose to keep the name of the bar and ignore the voices of the trans community and their cis allies. Now his business is suffering, and HE has become the catalyst for huge rift in our community.
His choice. His consequence. His fault. No one else’s. It’s on him as a business owner. And no amount of screaming or finger pointing from you or any one supporter of the bar will change that fact.
#SorryNotSorry. Consequences are hard to deal with. That’s part of adulting and business.
“You think it should be excluded, because you don’t like it.”
Isn’t that part of Democracy? Like, voicing an opinion regardless of it’s popular or not?
That seems to be the only thing you’re speaking out against, Maura.
Dear Maura,
Since you are spending so much of your work day posting comments to defend the transphobic actions of a Winooski business owner, can you please explain how this fits in with your role as the program director of Downtown Winooski? (http://downtownwinooski.org/contact/). Part of the Partnership’s core mission is to make Winooski a better place to live (http://downtownwinooski.org/about/). Your comments seem to be advocating just the opposite for anyone who is trans or, possibly, those who just hold a different viewpoint than you too. Personally, I find this very offensive and at odds with the Partnership’s mission and the Vermont I want to live in. So, I ask again, why are you using your working hours to make these posts?
I cited my sources so that, perhaps you will not accuse me of making up information, like you accused the author of this column.
If the purpose of the bar is to create an inclusive environment that people enjoy going to whatever their gender, gender identity, race, sexual orientation, age…and whatever other variables one can imagine… then the owner has not made wise choices.
Pamela,
By stating that you checked in with Jordan and reviewed his reporting and that you talked with Molly who covered the trans town hall, you’re claiming that it’s acceptable for a reporter to speak with only one source and print it as fact. You’re also claiming that Molly’s account of the town hall is fact and there was no communication breakdown between her experience and Jordans writing of a piece that so clearly came from a very emotional perspective.
I’d be happy to meet with you and Jordan and discuss, with evidence, the meeting with the pride center including Josie, Bridget, Maura and myself. It was very amicable and ended in hugs all the way around. I also have audio recording of the entire trans town hall that I’d be happy to review with you.
I find it troubling that you so easily support a writer that clearly did not effectively research his subject and chose to rely on hearsay, claiming it as fact. But what I find most troubling is that Jordan has chosen to approach this story with a tone of such anger, and cynicism toward another gay person just 2 days after the anniversary of the Pulse Massacre in Orlando and during Pride month. Does not liking the name make acceptable his hateful vitriol? No one at 7d had the wherewithal to question this? Or Does Jordan’s passion come from being a staunch trans activist? I’m curious, because I’d gladly compare notes on how we have each supported the trans community over the past month, year or even 5 years. Or is he just choosing to write something as an “I’ll get him”, giggling with his buddies as he dupes you and uses Seven Days to spread his own agenda? Credibility lost.
Craig McGaughan
Mister Sister
Craig, you must really know absolutely no shame…
You want facts? Here’s a fact: those people who were lost, are not your martyrs who’s memory is yours to invoke when you need a guilt-inducing defense of indefensible actions and words.
Furthermore, being an ally to trans folks is not a competition… it’s just being a decent person.
Wow, Craig speaks!
And Craig sure packs a lot into one comment so let me take it piece by piece (Craig, I welcome a response):
First off, it says a lot in of itself that the first time Craig is willing to speak on the record is, not when asked about the name of the bar prior to it’s opening, not when asked to attend the town hall event, but when a negative column is posted about his bar. Not great form, Craig.
“I’d be happy to meet with you and Jordan and discuss, with evidence, the meeting with the pride center . . . I also have audio recording of the entire trans town hall that I’d be happy to review with you.”
REALLY?? Craig, you could not spare 5 minutes to listen to the trans members of the community before moving ahead with your plans to name your bar a transphobic slur but you are “happy” to take considerable time out of your day to argue the finer details over who interpreted what better in meetings you had regarding these events?
I also want to ask you, if you have all this “evidence” of what happened at the trans town hall (which you did not attend), I am going to presume your point here is maybe to imply that while you did not show up in person, you still listened to the trans community’s concerns. But even if you didn’t listen to the recording you have, I am sure you saw the articles and public comments the name was eliciting. So, again, why not change the name based on the feelings of the community you claim to support?
“I find it troubling that you so easily support a writer that clearly did not effectively research his subject and chose to rely on hearsay, claiming it as fact.”
It’s pretty clear that the author of the column did research his subject pretty effectively. Just because you dislike the result, does not make it so (funny, wasn’t that your argument when trans people and allies asked you to change the name?).
“But what I find most troubling is that Jordan has chosen to approach this story with a tone of such anger, and cynicism toward another gay person just 2 days after the anniversary of the Pulse Massacre in Orlando and during Pride month.
SERIOUSLY??? Did you really just try to invoke a mass slaying of gay individuals to quiet press coverage of your business failings and transphobic attitude? If you aren’t already feeling ashamed of that one you should be. Same goes with invoking Pride. The purpose of Pride is not to give gay, cis, white men a chance to dance drunkenly in the streets, the purpose of Pride is for everyone in the community, ESPECIALLY those who are transgender, women of color (since they are the most marginalized and threatened in the community) to feel uplifted, empowered, and supported. Pride is a reminder to support each other and be proud in who we are. Craig, your actions have been to shame, to blame, and to marginalize: you stand for everything Pride is not.
“Or Does Jordan’s passion come from being a staunch trans activist? I’m curious, because I’d gladly compare notes on how we have each supported the trans community over the past month, year or even 5 years. . . Credibility lost.”
Craig, the only person whose credibility has been lost is your own. “Supporting” the trans community is not a pissing match to be won. Even if it was, your very public actions would have disqualified you.
This last part of your comment is particularly illuminating, Craig, because it shows that you view being supportive of trans people not as “the right and decent thing to do because they are people like everyone else” but something you should be rewarded for. The underlying message is “ignore my transgressions because I already did something nice for you guys.” That is transphobia. That is othering.
Shame on you Craig.
Stop blaming Seven Days for reporting on the community they serve. It’s time for you to do some true self-reflection.
Hi Elena,
I agree with your points and I’m sorry if my comment seemed as though I was using anyone’s memory as a defense. I also believe that being an ally to anyone is not a competition.
Please let me clarify. I’m asking, why are we choosing to attack one another during a time of pride and remembrance? I feel it’s disrespectful to those we have lost and those we are celebrating by infighting during this time.
I also don’t choose to speak about what I have done as an ally through support or philanthropy as a defense of the Mister Sister name. I feel that’s inappropriate and those that I affect, know that I love and support them. The point I’m trying to make is, why has this writer chosen to attack me and Mister Sister out of the blue? If it’s in support of trans folks, I’d be glad to talk about what we’ve each done because if this is his only action, it seems listless and I’d be happy to brainstorm some more direct and productive ways to be an ally.
Craig McGaughan
Mister Sister
Change the name. It may not save your business, but if what you claim about being an ally is true, then own your mistakes, and work to correct them.
No Maura,
I think the bar should be excluded because it’s name is a slur and harmful to the Trans and Gender non Conforming communities. By giving it a Daysie Seven Days is awarding transmisogynist and transphobic behavior. I don’t agree with that. I’m allowed. Free country. Not North Korea.
If there were a mechanic for down voting a nominee I would. But there’s not. So I’m voicing my opinion here.
Wait… Craig has an audio recording of the trans town hall? That meeting that opened with a lengthy conversation about whether reporters should be allowed to have cameras and other recording equipment or only notes, and it was decided that they should only be able to take notes by those in the room.
Whoever recorded that audio deeply invaded and violated the trust of everyone in attendance at that meeting. For shame. No one in the room requested permission or disclosed that they would be (or were even interested in) audio recording the meeting.
That is unacceptable behavior and I am absolutely appalled. Given the concerns about recording the meeting that were raised and discussed at the start, it is even more disgusting.
Just when I think there is not much more Craig could do that is upsetting he just keeps them coming.
Kelly brings up a really disturbing point.
I confirmed with Josie at start of the meeting, “So what you’re saying is that if even ONE person here feels uncomfortable with being recorded, we as a group will agree not to subject them to it?”
To which she said, “Yes, that’s correct.”
I obviously took the opportunity to point out the irony that this small token of dignity and respect for one another was an odd juxtaposition to the subject of the Town Hall.
Craig, what possessed you to flagrantly disregard the privacy rules set forth that evening?
Hi Elena-
First, a little known fact is that we (including the Pride Center) had agreed that due to the contentious nature of the situation, it was best for me not to attend.
I was given a copy of the recording and it was explained to me that no video or photographs were allowed into the meeting. I accepted the recording because I felt it was important to hear the voices that were there. I have listened to the meeting in its entirety several times and it was only addresssed that no video or photographs were permitted. I of course respect all of the attendees privacy and have never shared the recording with anyone.
Thank you Elena, for being respectful in your response and questioning.
I’ve been happy to engage in healthy conversation with anyone that has approach me in a mutually respectful manner.
For anyone questioning my “silence”, falsely accusing me of lying or belittling anyone or being aggressive or anyone digging deep to manufacture an “alternative fact” in a fault finding mission without taking the time to speak with, question and understand me, I will disengage. It’s unproductive and hurtful for all of us. And as a learning curve, I’d gamble to say the least effective way for someone to get their way is by attacking and insulting someone.
Craig
Respectability politics aside…
You’ve yet to address, how you listened to the recording and still could not to come to the conclusion that the moniker was harmful and should be changed.
I’m quite interested to know your rationale. Please be careful, I can be very patient with micro-aggressions against me, but when I hear them directed at others, it’s very grating.
I think it’s fair to say that whether or not you like how people say things, what they have to say is still valid.
Craig,
I was only at the meeting once, so you are probably more of an expert on it than me by now, but my understanding of the consensus was that *RECORDING* was not permitted in the meeting. This is why journalists were asked to bring notepads only, and not audio recording devices and notepads.
When I read your comment that you have an audio recording of the meeting, I physically felt sick to my stomach, and like I had personally been spied on.
Audio recording people surreptitiously can even be criminal in Vermont, depending on the context in which the recordings were taken. In a room full of people who had a long discussion about recording video, it would have behooved whoever took the recording to ask permission or disclose that they wanted to record. Recording the meeting in secret, and passing it along to you, is an unforgivable invasion of privacy and an absolutely deplorable act.
I am so disgusted with you and yours right now I can hardly breathe.
Where is the Michael Jackson popcorn gif when you need it? Seriously, though, I am just making time until this gross bar goes under and I can go back to my normal life, before I lost respect for the people who defend, patronize, and DJ at the slur bar. The demographics certainly tell a story – plenty of white cis people here telling trans women what is and isn’t transphobic. Sigh.
Sown. Reaped.
FWIW, Maura O’Neill was the person audio recorded the meeting on her phone.
Craig saying “I was given a recording,” here, means, “the person I sent instead of me recorded the meeting.”
I approached Maura after the meeting because I saw her holding her phone at one point that looked like she may be recording. I directly asked her if she recorded the meeting and she said yes. I told her that that was inappropriate given the explicit conversation at the beginning of the meeting about recording. She did not give a shit.
I informed Josie from PCVT about this interaction, I don’t think anything could have been done at that point…but it was shady to say the least.
Seven Days left out a very important event that also uses the name Mister Sister.
Miami FL. Pride has a pool party called MISTER SISTER to celebrate pride. A pool party for all to come together to celebrate pride and every individual.
Check out the link.
http://www.nbcmiami.com/multimedia/Inside-…
Citing the name of an event in a city that has lost one of the 13 trans women of color who were murdered this year probably isn’t the best example… Or maybe more illustrative of the topic at hand?
One should know if you want to talk statistically about a city. You have to consider the size of the population and ratio.
Fighting the name of a bar in your own community creates hate.
Fighting your own who was once called family in this community is unacceptable.
Exactly how are cisgender gay men fighting for transgender people?
You have as much capacity to propagate misogyny and transmisogyny as any other cisgender person, gay or straight.
You just have the added bonus of masquerading as an ally, while perpetuating just as much harm.
Elena, see there you go labeling people wrongly. People you know nothing about.
Wrong again.
If people want to see some true hate and a good ‘ol pity party make sure to stop by the bar’s Facebook page where this article is posted and Craig’s friends are really unhappy with trans folk and their allies.
https://www.facebook.com/mistersisterbar/
Hi Jeanlou,
Unless there’s a fake site posted on Facebook, I’m unsure of what you’re referring to. There’s no hate allowed from ANYONE on the Mister Sister Facebook page.
Craig
I’m so perplexed by the support for MS in this thread. Craig has actively eliminated all opportunities for dissent and discussion on any page he controls – each time he left discussions open until he realized they would not go his way. He and Maura actively work to discredit and demean any negative reports. With their own comments, though, which you’ll notice, are left open for this purpose.
He and his surrogates recorded the town hall after the group specifically asked that this not happen. Early on, when he WAS engaging more freely, he specifically stated that people who were unhappy with his choices should simply go elsewhere. We’ve chosen to do exactly that, yet are cited as a primary reason for his money trouble. Then, when this is pointed out, we’re called arrogant for thinking that our lack of patronage might be impacting the bottom line. Y’all are a mess of contradiction…
There are so many false narratives in the article and among these comments that it’s laughable. I met with the pride center, there’s no hate on the Mister Sister Facebook page, the comments deleted were either false statements or insanely derogatory or threatening. No one said that the trans town hall couldn’t be recorded. It was a public meeting. Although considering the content, I’d be concerned that it was recorded as well.
Rachel, I’m not upset that “you” have chosen to go elsewhere. I’m upset that “you” (and your mob) have chosen to lie, label, insult, threaten and bully myself and others to the point where people have literally been made to fear coming to Mister Sister. Many times hidden behind anonymous profiles while you call out people by name and even where they work.
There’s also something among these comments that’s so infuriating, it really shows that you folks are much more concerned with your agenda and trying to bully people into your ideology than you are with the very people you claim to represent. You don’t support trans folks, you support yourselves.
There’s a very thorough post on the Mister Sister Facebook page that fully explains my feelings regarding what’s going on here. See the shamefully anonymous “jeanlou” comment for the link.
“You don’t care about trans people, you just care about yourself,” the cisgender man said to the transgender women.
Then his bar closed and everyone lived happily ever after.
The End
“There’s also something among these comments that’s so infuriating, it really shows that you folks are much more concerned with your agenda and trying to bully people into your ideology than you are with the very people you claim to represent.”
Craig, you are the only one here who has claimed to represent anyone other than themselves as you are a cis, white man claiming to represent the trans community. Everyone else has simply represented how your actions have made them feel.
HINT: “your ideology” = being treated like human beings who deserve respect.
And, yes, it is more important to most people to be treated with respect than to drink at a bar.
Craig, we are trans folks speaking up for our own personal dignity. You own a bar that is named an epithet for us. An epithet that people have hurled at me (and others commenting here) in Burlington, at LGBT nights and events because they don’t want trans women to be safe/welcome/included. That you still refuse to grasp this and instead accuse people of conspiracy and some “agenda” and bullying is something else.
Your bar is named an epithet, you have demonstrated you do not care, and you accuse people hurt by it of bullying you and having an agenda. That is the current situation.
I took Craig’s advice and looked at his long explanation on MS’s Facebook page. I found more of the same self-righteous proclamations but without the word limit. HOWEVER, I also found this:
“Trans leaders in the community would confidentially support me but didn’t dare to publicly stand up to this mob…and I don’t blame them. Even the Pride Center confidentially said, “we have as much trouble dealing with these people as you do”. SHUT IT DOWN was the mission.”
SEVENDAYS, please investigate this allegation: the Pride Center has been painfully weak on their support of the trans* community and this would be a VERY low blow indeed.
A friendly reminder that Buffalo Wild Wings affirms all gender expressions and identities, also half-priced wings on Tuesdays at participating locations.
Craig?!? I don’t support trans folks?! I am trans folks. I haven’t organized. I haven’t ever made an anonymous comment. I’ve always tried to be cited by name in print and on the radio. I have no affiliation with any formal group or agenda. I have never bullied nor suggested action from anyone else. I have spoken my mind from the beginning. I’m not representing trans people or a trans agenda. I freaking AM a trans woman, and yes, I would feel unsafe in your establishment. That’s all to do with your choices and nothing to do with any wormtongue whispering in my ear. It’s because of your repeated actions.
Here is a message I sent to Craig on March 2, 2017: (I never got a response)
Hi Craig,
I hope this finds you well. I am very sorry for the intensity of what you are going through.
I attended the town hall this evening and was beyond emotional with the Trans communities pain. The name you have chosen is offensive to them, period. I know you never meant any Ill intent and if anything you were being inclusive. The fact of the matter is a very large group as well as the Pride center are choosing to condemn and boycott your new establishment.
I know I have no right in asking this. But would you consider re naming the bar along with a letter stating you hear and understand the Trans community need to feel safe and was not aware of the impact the name had.
I think you are going to be very successful. I believe the choice of renaming the bar is an act of solidarity. It also shows we are human and can listen. We are all in this together and I want nothing but the best for you. Please think about it. It is a tough position but I do believe things have a way of bringing us all together. You have an opportunity to show Vermont how we as a community protect and stand by each other.
Much love and light,
Robert
Though this was a music column..
Craig,
Why have you taken down all of the offending information off of the Facebook page and GoFundMe?
Did someone buy you off to do it? Money seems to be the only thing you care about. Definitely not the trans* community….
Am I the only one who feels like all of this could have easily been avoided if Craig had just been a decent person and *listened* to the trans community and allies in the very beginning? It seems like this became much more complicated than it needed to be.
I’m willing to guess the author has never owned a business. He may have no idea what it’s like to put your time money and sweat on the line, to value hard work and self worth when creating something out of nothing. Business owners don’t get to punch out when the day is done so it’s not as simple to just take other peoples advice as he ignorantly implies. No business owner in their right mind would roll over to appease such garbage opinion or all the toxic trauma drama happening around this. And yet, he did tread into violent toxic water and listen, and talk to non violent people, and he did make a change. This article is entitled, intolerant, and attempting to turn what another flawed human (get over yourself no one is perfect or 100% correct) created into some kind of monstrous disaster through toxic wording and hypothesizing. This article is violent and makes me want to flea this witch hunting small town mentality. If I could, I would post a picture of Cartman screaming, “you will respect my authoritah!” Bc thats how commical this attempt at “opinion” is. Try using a mirror sometime. Those of us who are human and make mistakes, sometimes actually learn from them when we have the time to come to new perspectives through the process of healing. This opinion denies that important healing process and right of being an ever evolving human, making mistakes and growing, for the sake of an egotistical stunt. Boring and lame.