Here’s one way to get attention in a crowded job market: Andrew Martin posted a plea for employment on Craigslist last week with the header, “Looking for a job but hate Vermont and Vermonters.” The 34-year-old Florida native wrote that he’d moved to Essex Junction a year ago to be with his girlfriend.
“My resume is fire,” he wrote. “Email me if you would like it. I will always be on time. I have much experience in many things. I just hate it here is all. Please forgive me.”
Sounds employable! So what’s the deal?
In an interview, Martin made clear that he wanted to stick around for the sake of his relationship. He’d worked at Vermont Wine Merchants in Burlington (a town he referred to in his post as “heck”), but employee and employer recently parted ways.
In the weeks since, Martin said, he’s found other ways to make a buck. He went dumpster diving after the Toys “R” Us in Williston closed and sold dented display signs, shopping bags and packs of Geoffrey’s Birthday Club balloons on eBay. (Geoffrey is the defunct chain’s giraffe mascot.)
“I made $600 selling garbage,” Martin boasted.
He touted his extensive work in the food industry and his long run as the manager of an adult video store in Orlando, Fla. While working there, Martin gained a cult following by posting YouTube videos of himself smacking his mouth and singing Phish songs.
Yes, Martin is a big-time Phish phan. He’s spent years following the band on tour and blogged about his adventures on the road.
Wouldn’t Burlington be a mecca for a guy who so loves Trey and the boys?
“That’s what I thought, too,” Martin said. “It’s the opposite effect that happened. I know why they left now.” (Fact check: Not all of them have left!)
Despite his dreary demeanor, Martin has a bite. He said he’s got a job interview this week with a business located in heck.
The original print version of this article was headlined “Job Phishing”
This article appears in Sep 12-18, 2018.
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Andrew is indeed a hard worker and would be a valued employee at any Heck business. Hes got a big heart. And a uniquely hilarious brand of humor.
Much like how the Pathologist is the doctors doctor, Andrew is the trolls troll. A+
Maybe someone will offer him a job in viral marketing. He’s proven his expertise.
Is this the latest Parmale ( sp) post?
Three ways to vote/ have a voice: Your VOTE (at the ballot box); Your wallet (don’t buy from companies you disagree with); Your FEET (MOVE).
Why complain? MOVE!
Hey Andrew . . . try moving to Texas . . they can always use another self-absorbed loudmouth. Heck, they elect them to the US Congress down there.
Pat, Bernie and Peter are loudmouths I have no use for. Unlike Andrew, I am getting the heck outta HELL.
Andrew, welcome to Vermont, now go home.
I love this kid. Burlington ain’t what it used to be, anybody who says different is lying or selling you something.. the most disturbing part of this article is you can’t say “hell” in SevenDays anymore?? proves my point
Maybe Jonah Hill needs a double on set since that’s the way it goes. Belly aching b.s. complainers end up making a boat load of money while the rest of us suck it up and swim in the seas of life, through the rough waters to get to the calm. Not just groan about the choices we make and certainly not by putting the blame on other people or a state. How about being born in a state ? That was not my pick in life, don’t see me yelling at my mother “Why New Jersey Mom, didn’t you love me as you carried me inside your womb ?” Tell that D-head You can come take my place in New Jersey and I will boo whoo a big fat smile on my face in Vermont! As long as the state of Vermont sets up a GO FUND me campaign on my behalf cause I will need a house and land oh right an extravagant car, top designer wardrobes and so on, once I get there
Burlington is a pitcher plant that lures in talented and driven people, only to trap and devour them in a pit of underdeveloped infrastructure, insane cost-of-living relative to pay, some of the most toxic drinking water in the country, corrupt governance, various hollow simulacra of cultural development, silly moral panics, and despair-inducing “progressive” politics as imagined by a clutch of bourgeois would-be-do-gooders whose sense of social and economic justice is limited to that which is fashionable and convenient.
Everyone who moves here learns that sooner or later. Outside the Champlain Valley, Vermont is great though!
Is there any jizz in VT that needs mopping asap? Because if so this high school drop out is your guy…
What a jerk,go back to Floriduh where you belong !
You’re from florida and you don’t like Vermont? We really don’t need you here…. boy, bye!
You’re from FL (or as I like to call it, the armpit of the US) and you don’t like Vermont? We really don’t need you here. Boy, bye!
anyone else curious about how his VT girls two younger children will feel when they read this article, his blogs about jail and drugs, and the videos of him smacking himself in the face with dildos?… asking for a friend
Why would anyone hire a whining sniveling complainer for anything demanding personal responsibility? First rule of management: NEVER hire a problem!