Backstory: This Year’s ‘Funniest Fact-Check’ Set the Record Straight on Tit vs. Teat

Seven Days' special Dairy Issue was devoted entirely to examining the viability of Vermont's signature agricultural industry. Here the elephant in the room is the "cow in the barn." I was the lead editor on the project. The anchor story, by Kirk Kardashian, provided a historical overview as well as essential info about how the business works. It needed some color, so I inserted a quick anecdote about Fred Tuttle, the folksy dairy farmer who had starred in John O'Brien's 1996 film Man With a Plan, then actually ran for the U.S. Congress in real life as a publicity stunt to promote the movie.

Fred Tuttle and John O’Brien in 1996 Credit: File: Matthew Thorsen

This “backstory” is a part of a collection of articles that describes some of the obstacles that Seven Days reporters faced while pursuing Vermont news, events and people in 2023.

Seven Days‘ special Dairy Issue was devoted entirely to examining the viability of Vermont’s signature agricultural industry. Here the elephant in the room is the “cow in the barn.” I was the lead editor on the project.

The anchor story, by Kirk Kardashian, provided a historical overview as well as essential info about how the business works. It needed some color, so I inserted a quick anecdote about Fred Tuttle, the folksy dairy farmer who had starred in John O’Brien’s 1996 film Man With a Plan, then actually ran for the U.S. Congress in real life as a publicity stunt to promote the movie:

Dairy has even produced folk heroes such as Fred Tuttle, the Tunbridge farmer who entered the Republican primary for U.S. Senate in 1998, challenging Jack McMullen, a wealthy businessman from Massachusetts.
In an unforgettable exchange during a debate, Tuttle queried his opponent, “How many teats does a Holstein have, and how many does a Jersey have?”

McMullen guessed six, which is two too many. Tuttle beat him to win the GOP nomination by 10 points, and then endorsed incumbent Democrat Patrick Leahy, who easily won reelection.

My dilemma: To verify the quote, reported by many journalists before me, I listened to the debate. And to my ear, it didn’t sound like Tuttle said “teats.” His word seemed to rhyme with “bits.” Still, his thick accent made me hesitant to conclude he had used a vulgar term for breasts during the debate, which aired on Vermont Public Radio.

I listened again and again. Tuttle pronounced the word with a twang, a hint of a long “e” sound, that made me hesitate. I’d have loved to ask Tuttle, but he died in 2003.

I had several conversations, including with journalists who covered the race, all inconclusive. Publisher Paula Routly suggested consulting O’Brien, now a Democratic state rep from Tunbridge. When he didn’t call back, I decided to stick with written precedent, and I filed the “teats” quote.

I was home, an hour or so after Seven Days‘ weekly deadline, when my cellphone rang. It was O’Brien. His timing was terrible, but I nonetheless popped the question: Did Tuttle say “teats” or “tits”?

O’Brien was unequivocal. Tuttle said the latter, he informed me.

I hung up and hastily called a couple of folks on our design team who were, fortunately, still available on a Tuesday night. They tweaked the quote before the issue was shipped to our printers in Québec that night.

I braced myself for blowback from readers. As it turned out, though, we never heard a peep.

The original print version of this article was headlined “Funniest Fact-Check”