Dear Reverend,
I’m in love with my BFF, and we’ve slept together a few times. She’s an alcoholic who is trying to quit drinking, but it’s hard for her. Should we put our relationship on hold until she gets sober, or should I be there to support her? We really love each other, and it would be very hard not to see each other.
Al Anon (male, 70)
Dear Al Anon,
Quitting drinking is a difficult thing for anyone to do, but for an alcoholic, it can be damn near impossible —and, in some cases, dangerous. If your friend quits cold turkey, she may experience significant withdrawal symptoms. If she hasn’t already consulted a physician, it would be wise for her to do so. There are also plenty of sites online that can help her find the resources she needs to quit successfully.
You should absolutely be there for your friend while she goes through this tough transition. That’s what best friends do for each other. But — and that’s a big “but” — if the two of you are in love and have been having sex, you’re more than just BFFs.
I’m wondering how much her drinking had to do with your intimacy. If you were both sober when you had sex, then it would seem OK to continue with that aspect of the relationship. If you feel that alcohol blurred the lines between friendship and romance, it would be a good idea to put the physical relations on pause.
That doesn’t mean you have to stop seeing each other altogether, but don’t see each other naked again until she’s gotten a handle on her drinking and the two of you can assess your relationship through a sober lens.
Good luck and God bless,
The Reverend
This article appears in Dec 7-13, 2022.
