Dear Mistress Maeve,
Last week was Steak and Blow Job Day (you know, the “holiday” where romantic boyfriends get repaid for their good Valentine’s Day deeds), and it got me thinking: I would really like to give my boyfriend a mind-blowing blowie, but my damned gag reflex always stops me from going “whole hog.” How do I get rid of my gag reflex?
Signed,
Trying
Dear Trying,
Kudos to you for wanting to be an oral overachiever. However, let’s get a couple things cleared up. Firstly, we don’t need Steak and Blow Job Day or Valentine’s Day to remind us to be romantic. Whether it’s chocolates or oral pleasure, we should be giving these things to our partners year-round.
Secondly, you don’t have to be Linda Lovelace from Deep Throat to give mind-blowing head. Sure, deep throating is a nice skill to have on your BJ resume, but it isn’t mandatory.
To give the best blow job, work with what you have and get creative. Try wrapping your hand around the base of his penis, effectively shortening the amount of his member you take in. If you move your hand and mouth in tandem, he most likely won’t know where your mouth ends and your hand begins. To maximize his pleasure, alternate between fellatio and stimulating his scrotum and taint with your tongue (the taint is the highly sensitive area behind the scrotum). If he’s willing, try some anal play, too — stimulating his prostate while going down on him will make him go wild. Trust me, he won’t miss the deep-throat thrusting.
Continue to keep things exciting by trying some new positions. Taking him into your mouth from a new angle may do the trick. Instead of the typical kneeling positions, try going at it from the 69 setup. (More fun for you, too!)
Above all, have fun with it. Forget about your gag reflex and go for what feels good — you’ll both be happier in the end.
Deeply,
MM
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This article appears in Mar 20-26, 2013.
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The 69 position really helps. I have a gag reflex too but I still deep throat as much as possible. I find it easier to deep throat when I’m at the 69 angle, because when men start to get an even harder erection the penis kind of curls or bends toward his stomach. That being said, it can go directly down your throat instead of irritating your uvula.
A desensitizing gel can help to calm those pesky areas of the soft palate, the back of your tongue and mouth, and your throat. There are gels out there that taste really good too, which can also make you less “gaggy”. You can order online or find them in “romance” shops. 😉
I also hear that brushing your tongue every day and purposely focusing on the areas of the tongue that trigger your gag reflex can make your gag reflex go away. I’m trying this next.