Ask the Rev: I Love Him. But Should I Tell Him?

Dear Reverend,

My boyfriend and I have history together. We were classmates and hung out as friends way back when. After all these years, we’ve gotten reacquainted, and now we’re dating. We’ve been together for more than two years. I feel that I love him, but should I tell him?

Nervous Nellie (Woman, 53)

Dear Nervous Nellie,

This could be a one-word answer, but I think there’s more to the question — and we’ve got some space to fill — so I’m going to go about it the long way.

What is it that’s holding you back from telling your boyfriend that you love him? Are you worried that he doesn’t feel the same way about you? You’ve been a couple for a long time, and friends even longer, so you must know him well enough to have an inkling about what he’s thinking.

Are you waiting for him to say it first? Perhaps you’re holding on to the old-fashioned notion that the man should be the one to profess his love. Possibly you’re nervous that declaring your love for him will somehow change the good thing that you’ve got going. Or maybe you’ve had a bad experience with a similar situation in the past.

All of these possibilities are completely understandable. But also kinda silly. Certainly, none of them are worth keeping your true feelings under lock and key.

I firmly believe that we should tell the ones we love how we feel way more often than we do. The only thing that truly stops us is fear, and in the words of the great Franklin D. Roosevelt, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

I say you ought to throw the unnecessary caution to the wind and tell this fella that you love him. It doesn’t have to be a big production number; you can just lay it on him casually sometime when you gather up your nerve. I’m willing to bet that you’ll be happy that you did.

Good luck and God bless,

The Reverend